Jesus is awesome!
♥ lightning bolts, electric blue, cereal with milk, words, being with all my favourite people even if we have nothing better to do, mayday parade, strong winds, unpolluted blue seas with clear shores, white snow althouogh i havent seen it, i japanese movies, all time low, harajuku with the goths, windy sunsets


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Thursday, December 13 { 11:06 PM }

a composition i wrote early this year, when miss r. asked me to submit an entry to a story-writing competition. kind of vague, i suppose. i don't know why but i had a sudden impetus to read it.

My favorite color is dark blue; it reminds me of a bruise, stained with hurt and disappointment. I create an imaginary shield, so that no one will get to my heart and devour up my emotions like he did. I cannot remember when I first started loving him, perhaps it was the way he looked amongst the flowers, as we lay looking at the sun-set. It was a long time ago.

His name... I cannot say it out loud, it will hurt too much, bring back those memories I wished did not exist. I miss his smile, and his laugh. The eyes, the fingers that strummed the guitar, the eyebrows. I'm trying hard to remember him as he was that Autumm day, the look in his charcoal black eyes, the sense of familiarity in his voice, that smile which he reserved only for me. But, memory has failed me, all I remember was the tears, the blood. There's gaps in my memory now, I cannot seem to fill them.

Missed opportunities were never superficial wounds; it cuts right through the bones. Till now, I keep trying to philosophize about how love eluded me, when it left me and chose her instead. Was it real? Or was it just exaggeration on my part?

Ever since, broken shards of glass caught my interest. Especially those shaped like a tear, rounded on one end, but ironically sharp as a dagger on the other end. I used to dislike those crazy girls who self-mutilated; I thought they didn’t love themselves enough to understand self-respect. Going insane is losing your mind, till you can't seperate the past from the present, till you kept hoarding the past.

Jealousy caught me off-guard when I saw the way she made him smile, the sight of him and her. I put up a masquerade, feigning indifference. Truthfully, I wanted so badly the way he would hold me, the security he gave just being next to me, the phone calls in the wee hours of the morning. I don't want apathy, this empty feeling of not having anything to look forward to.

And then the dark thoughts came in, it blinded me in an illusion, till the future seemed vague. Looking back, I was just trying too hard to capture a part of my past. It helped me to learn how to let go with I lost him. His temporary but strong hold on me was just a passing phase, but even now, a mention of his name still stings my heart in ways I cannot explain. I was once lost in reverie that might never come to fruition again, until I snapped back to reality. The future will unfold in indelible strokes, but it doesn’t mean we have to read the same line of our past over and over…

You save yourself or remain unsaved

Anyway, to sum up my week: Ice-skating twice (first was with jason, bro alex, jonathan liu, kelvyn. second time was today, with tim and tonghann!), swimming with val, drawing rough sketches, reading books and past letters, buying uniforms and just getting prepared for school.