Wednesday, September 19
{ 9:14 PM }
I admit.
Sometimes, I feel so stupid. When people have high expectations of me, such as classmates & teachers, I feel I must live up to that expectation and I try really hard. But sometimes fatigue & complacency overwhelm me, and I fail to live up to the expectations, as well as my own.
There's times where I would study for hours and get just a 76% when I was quite sure I would get >80%. And that feeling of dissapointment really sucks.
And there's times when I feel horribly ugly. But there's isn't much I can do. I'm sure most people will feel inferior next to those pretty/slim/smart girls, so I guess it isn't very abnormal.
Also, my anger surprises me at times, though I don't show it. It's like this tide of wave consuming my positive emotions, making me want to punch anyone who touches me. And it's scary. So I go to my notebook and start writing, taking out my anger. The worst thing is, I don't know why I feel angry.
Mrs H. scolded me consecutively for the past two days, and she asked me if there was anything wrong in my life, or was it just that.
Audrey started asking me why sometimes my moods fluctuates, and she feels kind of worried but don't know because I don't tell her anything.
Eunice and Felicia commented that I was a super 100% smiley girl at the start of the year, but now I'm getting more un-smiley.
I sometimes have to apologise to my friends for saying cutting words that I don't mean.
I guess sometimes my inferiority/self-esteem/anxiety issues get way out of hand and I don't realize it.
I'm okay :)
Just the exams!
You smile as if you've mastered half of mona lisa's inimitable smile, and I'm lost.
